Sippy Cups and Booze

 

Today one of my favorite bloggers menopausalmother, nominated me for the Liebster award! *jumps up and down doing the happy dance* I am so honored and excited! What a great feeling to find out someone not only reads your silly posts, but thinks you are worthy of an award! Woohoo! *Still dancing* Thank you so much for the honor *bows* Meno Mom!

Therefore, while I continue to giggle (yes…I actually giggle sometimes don’t judge me!) with excitement, I now have to answer 11 questions and list 11 things about me. Hmm, this could get ugly and maybe a little embarrassing… Nevertheless, be ready, because at the end I will also be listing whom I believe should be nominated!

 

Here are the rules:

 

1. Each nominee must post 11 facts about themselves.
2.  Nominees must answer 11 questions the tagger has given to them, and then create 11 new ones to pass down to the bloggers they then nominate.
3.  Display award logo on your site and link back to the person who gave it to you.
4.  Choose 11 bloggers (with less than 200 followers) to pass the award on to and link them in your post.
5. Notify your nominees.

 

Here we go…The questions that meno mom had for me:

 

 

 

1. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done in the past 6 months?

 

Oh boy… You are talking to the clumsiest person on the planet! Between bumping into random walls, tripping over the invisible rock and falling out of a chair for no reason what so ever…there are a plethora of dumb things I have done.

Nevertheless, I would have to say, I have lived in this area since ’89, which means I know the area pretty damn well (kinda) yet my dumb donkey, I got lost a block away from my own house! (I hear the snickering… it can happen I swear!)

 

I got so turned around that what should have taken me under five minutes turn around ended up taking 40 min. Moreover, believe it or not, no one sent out a search party! (still pouting) I am just thankful I wasn’t walking. I live in the desert, so I probably would have wandered into a mineshaft and died of dehydration or something.

2. What’s your all-time favorite movie and why?

 

American History X hands down.

Edward Norton was brilliant, and yummy to look at his roll powerful.  One of the best movies (in my opinion) about racism aside from shindlers list. (which by the way is also in my top five.) It is a movie that should be on everyone’s bucket list.

3. What do you consider attractive in a person?

Definitely a good personality. You can be the most attractive person in the world,   however, if your personality sucks… well…you and I won’t be having a beer together anytime soon.

 

4. What is the one food you’ve eaten too much of and gotten sick on?

SUSHI!  I do it every damn time! I rarely get sushi because the husband won’t eat it. Therefore, when we do go I ALWAYS over eat it, and then whine the rest of the night about how sick I feel.

 

5. What is one of your biggest regrets?

Not going to college after high school because I had always felt I wasn’t smart enough. However, after years of Dan hounding me to enroll in law school (because according to him, I could get anyone to agree with me even when I was wrong) I finally had the confidence I needed to prove myself wrong.

 

6. What is the ugliest outfit you’ve ever worn?

Oh boy…I was a punk rocker as a kid. I have so many outfits that should NEVER have been produced, let alone worn by anyone.

I use to buy old polyester plaid suits from the Salvation Army. The ones worn by flight attendants in the 60’s with the huge butterfly collars. (Soooo ugly!)  I thought I was the shit in them….so wrong in so many ways! *shudders* Someday when I’m feeling froggy, I will upload some of the awful pics for you guys to point and laugh at.

 

7. What’s the worst haircut you’ve ever had?

Lol, well again I was punk… so the shaved head? The Mohawk? Nah I think the worst was chopping my hair like a girl I saw in a movie once. It was the total boy’s haircut and it looked TERRIBLE on me! I wore a bandanna for months to hide it.

8. Have you ever owned a Chia Pet or a Pet Rock?

How sad is it I have owned both…

 

9. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? If so, how fast where you going?

Ummm…I have had many tickets. Have you heard the term “Mad moms in mini vans”? Well, I am the mad mom in the turbo diesel van that is faster than you are, so please move out of the way and let me get home so I can get away from the fighting in the backseat.

10. Have you ever had a bodily function accident while you were out in public?

Yep…I peed my pants! L I had a bladder infection and decided I was sick of going to the rest room just to sit there and NOT pee.  Apparently, that was a bad idea.  I ended up letting go while in the parking lot of the Honda test track I had worked at. Therefore, needless to say, I had to tie a sweatshirt around my waist and run through the building to get to my car so I could go home; praying no one would stop me.

 

11. What’s your worst phobia?

Boogers and spiders! If there was a spider picking his nose I would fall over dead. I shit you not.

 

11 fun little tidbits you thought you didn’t need to know but now do.

 

1. I am a rock star when I am in the car alone.

2. I sleep an average of 4 hours a day regardless of how tired I am

3. My arch nemesis aside from the sock troll is hypothyroidism. That dudes a dick! He has made the last 8 years of my life a living nightmare.

4. I once went into liver failure for almost a week. I had glowing yellow eyes that Dan wouldn’t look at despite how many times I tried to trick him…  After gallons of blood tests, MRI’s and doctors who felt the need to poke and prod me…I recovered with no help from medical science, and they were never able to figure out what had caused it.

5. My iPod is bipolar and I like it.

6. I have a problem with foot in mouth syndrome. The problem is I always have it.

7. I will not go on a cruise because I am terrified we will sink and sharks will eat me.

8. I am always right even if I am wrong. Just ask Dan, since he’s the one who gave me that answer.

9. My hair color is as bipolar as my IPod and changes monthly.

10. I talk to myself a lot. So much so, that I have even thought about attaching a phone to my ear, just so people think I am less crazy. (Tattooed woman with pink hair walking around Wal-Mart talking to herself…Yeah, that’s not me I swear…maybe)

11. I talk loud with my hands, because according to my oldest, I don’t have an inside voice.  (He thinks he’s so funny)

***************************************************************************

 

Now, as long as you have made it to the end of this really really long post…

In no particular order, the nominees I chose are *drum roll*…

http://thereseoneill.blogspot.com/

http://keepinyouout.blogspot.com/

http://unbaggingthecatsone.blogspot.com/

http://shannonsrainbow.blogspot.com/

http://www.askyourdadblog.com/

http://tracifishbowl.blogspot.com/

http://undeci.de/

http://allfookedup.com/

http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com/

http://journeythroughifland.blogspot.com/

http://thismotherswork.com/

 

Congratulations and here are your 11 questions:

 

 

1. What is the strangest thing you ever ate?
2. Do you have any weird quirks? If so, do tell!
3. Morning or night person.
4. What would be your theme song?
5. What is your biggest pet peeve
6. When you offer to cook for someone do they eat it, or run and hide?
7. What item could you never live without and why?
8. Beer or wine?
9. What would be your super hero name?
10. Last concert you went too?
11. What is the first song you knew all the words to?

 

Now it is your turn to spread the blogging cheer to others.  Hurry, before I start to demand more answers from you!

Have a great weekend everyone!

 

 

Warning: This topic may gross you out, may lead to nausea, vomiting, or the unlikelihood of wanting to birth a son. (kinda)

When our first boy was born, no one told me that for the rest of his life, he would pee anywhere but in the toilet. Oh no (insert shaking of head)…they only warned me about how boys are so much easier… how they are full of energy, and fun! Whom the hell were they trying to fool! In addition, where were all the warnings in all those expensive and useless books I purchased?

The bathroom…

If you have a son, you know where I am going with this. It is the place when people come over and need to use it; I cringe. I want to hide while I start chanting to myself “Please let it be clean (and dry) please don’t let it stink like a bus station bathroom” all while holding my breath until they emerge. (hopefully not with a clothes pin on their nose)

We have three restrooms. Two men’s room, and moms bathroom. DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT USING MOMS BATHROOM IF YOU HAVE A PENIS! I will cut you!

The bathrooms are cleaned daily (at least it is on the chore list daily but that’s an entirely different post) and It ALWAYS smells. Its gross, like plug your nose, gag, and then decide to pee at the gas station down the street stink.

There are very few smells that make me want to chuck up my cookies… Nevertheless, the bathroom is in the top five.

When my oldest was first learning to “potty” in the toilet, my (only lived with girls) self was in a world of w..t..f.. horror.  It was a catch 22. Teach the boy to stop shitting himself and use the toilet, or let him pee on the ceiling every morning because he forgot to push his little boy part down.

I tried all of those stupid tricks like throwing cheerios in the toilet, bribing him with candy, and outright looking like one of those flailing wacky arm blow up things screeching out “No!No!No! In the TOILET!!!’ to no avail.

Then there was the hope that the older he got, the better aim he would develop.(yeah right!) Sorry to burst and stomp on the bubbles of all you moms with little potty training boys.. However, it will never happen. And the more you have, the worse it gets.

You can even threaten to make them sit to pee, however still they will miss, splash and hit everything that is not a toilet, because apparently it is a lot more fun to pee on the wall then have to pee in the throne that was made specifically for waste.

Oh, but I did learn things like; a trashcan on the side of the toilet is a horrible idea… Like really bad…

All those matching cute decorative bathroom trashcans in a house of little boys… they are just glorified pee buckets. No need to explain that one, just use your imagination, and save yourself from the literal horror I encountered. (I still shudder years latter)

Don’t ever hang a picture on the wall behind the toilet either. Because unless its pee proof, it’s just not worth wasting the money.

Shower curtains hide pee, so maybe invest in doors.

Carpets that go around the toilet… eww…just eww… don’t even think about it.

We have tried everything to fix/mask the smell…but all you get is a floral pee smell, bleach pee smell and on and on. The amount of money I have spent on cleaners, candles, sprays, mists, vapors…just ridicules. I could have bought my own company by now and changed the formula to “Kill all boy smells”.

I would have made millions!

I would love to make them all pee outside, but I am sure someone would love to turn me in for something like that. Can you imagine?

“Excuse me ma’am, but we have received several phone calls about your children peeing outside.”

I would have to lie to them and pretend I wasn’t the one who sent them outside. And well, let’s just say I know my kids, and they would throw me under the bus and rat me out.

Maybe if I just offer him/her a bathroom walk through he/she would understand and not fine me or take my kids away for not keeping them in the appropriate place to pee.

For a long time I had dreamt of putting in urinals, concrete floors with a power nozzle spigot for fast cleaning. Then the only option if we move is to give the place to someone running a boy’s home or another family with ten thousand boys and no girls, but let’s be honest, how many people keep having kids once they keep birthing boy after boy after boy after boy.

Of course, the more you complain the worse it gets, and no one ever admits it was them. They all point the finger at each other. Then again, they also claim they don’t smell anything.

I should never have told them boys stood to pee.

I look back and remember my mom babysitting my then potty training cousin; when he got home, my aunt called my mom laughing at her for making my cousin wipe when he was done peeing. She had to explain to her boys did not do that…they shook when they were done. My mother was in utter shock at that moment …she had the horrified look trying to understand why they would shake when there was perfectly good toilet paper sitting there.

I have to give her credit for trying, because my mother had never raised a son. However, now I look back and think she was brilliant! If I had made my boys sit, and wipe when done I would not be in the predicament I am now.  So what if later they learned men stood…beats needing a separate men and woman’s bathroom in my home!